It has often been said that CeePlusPlus is "an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog" (coined by SteveTaylor). Of course, that analogy can be extended to other languages as well.
Really, should be renamed into "An Octopus made by..." or something similar.
So, here is "how other languages became ObjectOriented octopi":
An octopus made by...CeeLanguage
...isn't really an octopus at all. Just a dog, although it's a racing greyhound with almost no brain.
...made by taking an 8-legged dog and tearing out the part of its skeleton used by the middle four legs. (This was considered a more humane alternative to nailing extra legs on to a 4-legged dog.) It can still run like an ordinary dog, but the boneless extra legs will get in the way and slow it down without special training.
In response to criticism about the missing bones, tentacles were added to the middle legs. The dog can now climb trees, but is even more awkward when trying to run like a normal dog. Scientific research is ongoing into the best way to add bones to all the limbs - including the tentacles.
Just the four basic legs, of course! Each numbered: 100, 200, 300, 400. (Contrast with FortranLanguage, where the legs are numbered only when the dog jumps.) Can become an octopus only by replacing it with a completely different animal and calling the result VisualDelphiBasic? [sic; that is not a typo].
...made by ripping the nucleus out of an amoeba, reducing it to a prokaryotic bacterium. While it is still physically capable of extending pseudopods, it rarely does. Instead, it is just generally makes people sick and throw up. People also claim this one is a cat.
...made by adding tentacles to a snake. Unfortunately, the tentacles were added one-at-a-time, so each one looks and behaves a littled different. On the one hand, it looks more like an octopus than most others, but on the other hand, it behaves somewhat strangely. Plus, they kept on adding tentacles so it's at something like 12 tentacles now.
...took the 12-tentacled snake and added another 4 using DotNet's toolbox
...but then removed the snake's tail, and its ability to slither, so now it moves more like the boneless dog. (Because Boo has static typing, meaning some really strange stuff happens with type checking that CeePlusPlus/CeeSharp programmers think is called polymorphism.)
It still has the ability to slither, but because it has to be done by the mass of tentacles rather than an actual snake tail, it's slightly more unruly, and you won't be doing it nearly as often. (Boo lets you declare <variable> as Duck for explicit runtime type checked variables.
...decided that to really grow legs, you need the ability to alter DNA. Also grew 8 pseudopods, a flagella, dragonscales, antlers, and a toolbox, but refuses to coexist with ordinary carbon-based lifeforms.
Made by putting onto a dog legs 1, 2, 3, 4 of every dog on the system... Wait. For other dogs, put legs into our... Put into dog's legs legs 1, 2, 3, 4 of legs of- Take the tablets, Dog. For i from 1 to 4, for...
...not really an octopus in any way. An otherwise well-structured, conventional dog with a surprisingly high number of colons. Has a long history of being used by medical researchers as a demonstration animal in such areas as: diseases, handicaps, disabilities, mental instability, et cetera.
Made by taking the far-above housebroken, boneless dog (plus machine shop), and giving it a special exoskeleton modeled after the genetically-altered thing that lets it move like a distant cousin of an octopus. Oh, and it seems to think it's a cat. Later had extensive surgery that grafted hydra-heads on to some of its tentacles, but not all of them. It can do anything that a boneless dog in a machine shop can do. Originally, it was going to be able to work with boneless dogs with bones drawn on, but it was too hard to convert metric to imperial when trying to mix the machine shops, so most people don't do that.
Made by attaching tentacles onto you. Unfortunately, they're voice-controlled, and can't do anything practical. However, for some strange reason, they seem to work great for aiding you in performing plays, singing songs, and generally being entertaining. (Seriously, check out the Inform 99 bottles of beer-the code is really much more of a treat than the output.)
Made by taking a dog, removing its legs, and adding eight limbs from eight different phyla. One of them is bound to be a tentacle.
See also LanguageAsFoodMetaphor and LanguagesAreLikeGames for similar silliness.
This page certainly serves as evidence that some programmers have a poor sense of humor, and no idea when to stop. Most of the above are neither funny nor informative. - So it's true! Programmers are human beings after all!I'm not sure how I could inform someone about a language using this kind of joke. As for humor, well, that's heavily subjective. I do especially like the Scheme one.
I got some quite heavy laughs from this. So it is funny. Probably not for everyone.
Agreed with above. Extremely humorous. But then, I suppose there's no accounting for taste.
The above about PhpLanguage was spot on.
Grammatically correct and articulate unfunniness delivered with relentless verbosity. This article is an example of what occasionally ensues when AspergersSyndrome and humor coincide.
Assuming it was all written at once by one person. Highly unlikely. More likely it just goes to show that even the Aspie in all of us likes a little bit of an outing now and then.
The edit log shows that it has been edited more than 40 times over the eight years since it was first invented. More than one mind is involved.
Invented in FebruaryZeroSixCategoryMetaphorCategoryHumor