Rules To Live By



Twelve Rules of How to Get Along With People:

  1. Always say less than you think -- KeepYourOwnCounsel

  2. PromiseSparingly and KeepYourPromisesFaithfully

  3. PraiseGoodWork and EncourageOthers -- when necessary CriticizeHelpfully

  4. BeInterestedInOthers -- be merry when it is time for rejoicing and mourn with those in sorrow. TreatAllWithDignityAndRespect

  5. BeCheerful and don't dwell on the negative and depress others, everyone is carrying some load.

  6. KeepAnOpenMind -- disagree without being disagreeable

  7. RefuseToGossip -- let your virtues speak for themselves and don't talk about the vices of others. Remember Thumper's mother's motto: If you can't say something nice about someone, don't say nothing at all.

  8. BeSolicitousOfTheFeelingsOfOthers -- there is enough hurt in the world without you spreading it or contributing more.

  9. IgnorePersonalAffronts -- the backbiters of the world will always be with us. Live so no one will believe them.

  10. DoNotWorryAboutTheCredit -- let others remember who really did it and don't worry too much about taking credit. Be lavish with praise for your co-workers and others who contributed. Generosity is a great gift and graces those that have it.

  11. EliminateDegradingThoughts -- ThinkWinWin often and you will get WinWin more often. And for your peace of mind, exercise TrustButVerify.

  12. AssumeIgnoranceNotMalice

This interesting list is paraphrased and adapted from AnnLanders the syndicated columnist. I have elaborated on her basic structure and parts of her wording, but much of this and all of the hypertext components is original with me. -- RaySchneider

Thanks for being careful not to infringe upon a copyright. -- WardCunningham

I hear from a friend studying it that there are literally two schools of thought in modern PoliticalScience? studies. hmmm, I could rearrange that sentence to software... AAAs consider how to arrange things so as to avoid failures; BBBs consider how to make sure that when failures inevitably occur we recover. -- AlistairCockburn

But when software recovers from a failure, there is no loser whom we had to defeat. The problem with the above mentioned 'Realists' is, that they want to win at the expense of others.

That's a bit harsh... the realist simply wants to see that they don't come out worse. It's not like they are actively seeking conflict. Trying to avoid conflict at the cost of being more likely to lose when the conflicts arise is not an optimal strategy.

Plus, making sure we win in case of conflict is a way like another to avoid it - which isn't the case for software (software won't fail less often when you're ready for failures). The problem with realism is when everyone acts that way, in which case you get a situation akin to the PrisonersDilemma.

I took this chapter as better Netiquette, RulesToLiveBy in our AutoLisp usenet community: and It is shorter and richer than the usual usenet netiquette. See also EmailNetiquettePatterns and ProofBeforePosting. -- ReiniUrban

RefuseToGossip: Good advice. I expect the writer wasn't cynical enough to extend it: Tell No Lies! Sadly, it is my experience that there are (a few) people who will fabricate things about others just to be unpleasant. :-( Mind you, anyone who looks at this page probably doesn't need my extended advice; they wouldn't tell lies anyway. Just my two penny-worth. -- SteveMerrick 25/April/2002

A shorter and yet more encompassing list....

  1. Simplify, Personalize, De-escalate, Dis-aggregate

  2. Balance your efforts toward your mind, body, and soul

  3. Do things that will improve global quality of life

  4. Above all else -- be courteous to other souls

-- JeffChapman

An even shorter "list" that accomplishes the same thing as all of these above:

1. You shall love your neighbor as yourself.

(see GoldenRule)

And who is my neighbor?

I would like to register a warning opinion here: I worry that this sort of list has a tendency to emphasize others' needs at the expense of our own. I see little in the list about self-protection, and while I disagree with self-protection at others' expense, there needs to be some balance.

For example, to counterbalance #4, I would add "Allow yourself to have your own feelings." IOW, if you feel merry or sorrowful, find an appropriate way to express those feelings, even if others don't share them. -- BrentNewhall

I would submit that #4 implies that everyone gets to express their feelings -- we can't all simultaneously be trying to feel what someone else is; there must be at least one "prime emoter" somewhere.

Also, an implication of the GoldenRule is that you love yourself too.

Keep your balls in a bag and your head up high - 20th century mini-motto for low ranking servicemen

Further readings on this wiki:
DoNotWorryAboutTheCredit may be good personally but it is EXTREMELY bad business advice. Following that is a sure way to get less than you deserve.

It's a rule for getting things done, not a rule for getting credit for getting things done. --BenAveling

Fully knowing a rule means knowing any exceptions to the rule.

(cf. ShuHaRi, ThreeStagesInJeetKuneDo, ThreeLevelsOfAudience)

Your horse should be at least 5 times your own weight.
Before speaking ask three questions:

1) will you speak the truth? 2) will you say something kind? 3) will you say something that is *really* neccesary?

If "no" to any, don't speak.

CategoryWikiFavorites, CategoryLifeStrategies

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