In Soviet Russia

"In Soviet Russia, cat still hates you!" - David Grabon

In Soviet Russia, Christmas steals the grinch!!

In Soviet Russia, Beat moves you! -

In Soviet Russia, Homework comes from you!! In Soviet Russia, party throw you! -thecamcraft In soviet russia, cat feed you! -thecamcraft In America, you are free to hate life. In Soviet Russia, life hate you!

In America You Learn Book, In Soviet Russian Book Learn You!

In America rick Astley rolls you, in soviet Russia, you roll rick Astley! - OmTheOmnipotent?

In America Chuck Norris Rules, In soviet Russia, Chuck Norris still rules. - OmTheOmnipotent?

In soviet Russia, you touch pedobear! - OmTheOmnipotent?

In Soviet Russia, the lowest rank in the military is Public, not Private-Anon

In soviet Russia, furball coughs up cat! - Staro

in soviet Russia, woman penetrates you!

in soviet Russia, in soviet Russia jokes laugh at you! - OmTheOmnipotent?

in soviet Russia, hammer nails you!

in soviet Russia, baby give birth to you!

In Soviet Russia, shoe fit you!

In Soviet Russia, noun verb you!

In Soviet Russia, Computer plays on you!

In America you eat cow. In soviet Russia cow eats you!!!

Attributed to Yakov Smirnoff's old cold-war-era standup routines about life in his homeland. He still performs in Branson, Missouri. He can't not know that he's an Internet meme. You'd think he'd have gotten a better web page.

NOTE: This is not the Web's repository of "In Soviet Russia..." jokes. Your tasteless contributions will be deleted. Reverts to display tasteless contributions from the past shall also be deleted. Thanks. And remember: In Soviet Russia, Wiki edit YOU!


The latest successor to the AllYourBaseAreBelongToUs madness. Originated with Cold War comic genius Yakov Smirnoff.

As far as I can remember, the original Yakov Smirnoff versions just referred to "Russia"; I think that "Soviet Russia" is just more politically correct nowadays. -- TimLesher

It's not about political correctness: Yakov originally made these jokes before the fall of the Soviet Union. Therefore, to specify "Soviet" was superfluous. These days, one says "Soviet Russia" so that the audience knows that the subject is the old regime. --Andy

Disagreed. The In Russia jokes generally focus on using phrasing and order to cause a strong conflict of intent in a tiny literal rephrasing, in their degenerate form often by omitting words. The success of Yakov Smirnov was to use such clever techniques - there are others; this is a common Russian form of humor - to discuss topics of extreme sensitivity regarding political climate, in his case as regarded his homeland. One can very easily compare his intent, if not his ability, to the likes of Tom Lehrer or Ambrose Bierce; it is clearly political dissident humor. When the Soviet Bloc fell, it was very important to the developing democratic identity to reject past popular oppression, and as such, it became obvious that the jokes were told of Soviet Russia, as opposed to Democratic Russia, which for various reasons needed to be popularly seen as a separate entity. Besides, the meter of the joke is wrong; In Russia is not enough time for you to realize what sort of joke is coming and prepare for it, and therefore does not allow the more complex jokes which otherwise would take too long to parse and therefore be more oblique than funny. The three extra syllables have a definite positive impact on the joke on their own, before you consider their ramifications; given that in context Yakov Smirnov is forgotten as a surprisingly sensitive and deep man and now seen in the way that people which make Confucius jokes see Confucian teachings (or the locally less frequent fake zen koans which don't show deep conflict, or people which think that haiku are about how many syllables in a line,) it seems a pity that his depth is also being lost. He may not be Feynman, but he deserves to be remembered. -- JohnHaugeland?

This is all very fine, except for the fact that I've never heard any "In Soviet Russia" joke in Russia - neither in soviet, nor in democratic. -- AlexeyVerkhovsky

the developing democratic identity has nothing to do with the change from in Russia into in Soviet Russia. First of all, this joke is unknown in Russia (neither in democratic nor in communist). Secondly, what Americans call Soviet Russia was (and still is) called the Soviet Union or USSR. This joke is American only. So Tim Lesher is right, the change is because of political correctness. The Americans refused to call the Soviet Union as the Soviet Union when it was formed but called it Russia. Later when the Soviet Union fell it became the source of confusion. The other reason of confusion could be the famous ignorance of geography in American society. During the time of communist regime in the Soviet Union the Americans mistakenly called all people coming from the Soviet Union as Russians when in fact the Soviet Union didn't destroy the notion of nationality. All people had the right to state their nationality, there were more than a hundred of nationalities in the Soviet Union. Since it's a sensitive topic, many people who lived in the Soviet Union but were not Russians were upset or surprised or offended that Americans called them Russians. -- SergeyOrlov?

Actually, I think JohnHaugeland? is right that it is just a metre thing. 'In Russia, tv watches you' isn't as funny as 'in Soviet Russia, tv watches you'. I doubt any of the people who tell the joke really think about any of the socio-political subtleties of what they are saying. They are just telling a joke. -- SinGletoned?


Appears to be particularly popular on SlashDot. There is a SlashDot journal entry with further details at http://slashdot.org/~yerricde/journal/22712 (yes, there's an identical link below)

Slashdot did a story on how the .su (Soviet Union) domain would not die (http://slashdot.org/article.pl?sid=02/10/19/1956242&mode=nested&tid=95). I think it was TheTippingPoint for its popularity on Slashdot, but I have no proof. -- SeanOleary


In Soviet Russia media jokes you:


[humorless, duplicate, and non-InSovietRussia jokes deleted]

You should remove any that aren't correct commentary on what occur[s][ed] in the Soviet Union political climate. These are mostly stupid and mostly propagate social bigotry.


'This is all very fine, except for the fact that I've never heard any "In Soviet Russia" joke in Russia - neither in soviet, nor in democratic. -- AlexeyVerkhovsky '

In ExtremeProgramming, you continually test your code. In WaterFall, your code continually tests you. -- TimLesher

In a distant echo of GodwinsLaw, the thread was (nearly) ended with
  "In Soviet Russia, the dead horse beats you."
(see http://slashdot.org/~yerricde/journal/22712 -- DamianYerrick?)


I wanted to delete or rearrange or prettify the following, but then I realized that the text's comedy is entirely based on contradiction of style rules and expectations. Thus, the duplicates and silliness stand.


In Soviet Russia, if computer program does not execute, they execute YOU!

In Soviet Russia, keyboard type on you.

In Mozilla, you keep tabs in browser. In Soviet Russia, browser keep tabs on you!

"In Soviet Russia, light turns on you." -- Nathan Dunston

"In America you can eat dog in soviet Russia dog WILL eat you

"In Soviet Russia, dog feeds you." -- Nathan Dunston

In America you drive to see "Jackass" film. In Soviet Russia you drive jackass to SEE film! - SM

"In Capitalist America, law violates YOU!" -- sig on SlashDot

"In soviet russia....page scroll you down !- Prabhat Katz

 Roses are Red
 Violets are Blue 
 In Soviet Russia
 Poem write YOU!

In Soviet Russia, environment pollutes YOU!

The "In Soviet Russia, charity gives to YOU!" makes sense if you remember the Soviet sense of socialism. Their whole system was basically one huge charity, where everyone shared and got free, and very close to free stuff.

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 The loss of the government subsidies on things such as bread following the collapse of the USSR was a big problem for people who had only the money to buy bread at the lower price, as wages did not increase with prices. <--- This is complete and total nonsense.  Most people in Russia are materially better off than they were under Communism.  The only reason there aren't doing even better than they are, isn't because of the end of Communism, but the failure to fully replace government corruption with free markets.  If Russia had a fully-functioning system of laws and civic institutions, it would be much more prosperous than it is.

Simply reversing the subject and the object in a sentence doesn't magically make it a Soviet Russia joke, or funny, for that matter -- AnonymousDonor

perhaps it's a meta-joke, in soviet Russia modern posts YOU! -- JamesKeogh

In America drugs make you better, In Soviet Russia drugs only make Stalin better-Bruce Christner

"In America, you scam insurance. In Soviet Russia, insurance scams you!"-Anonymous

"In America, you go to mob. In Soviet Russia, mob comes to you!"-Anonymous

"In America, You find where is Waldo. In Soviet Russia, Waldo finds where is YOU! - T. Southin

"In America, you have scare crow. In Soviet Russia, crow scares YOU!" -dredd2929

"In America, you call the police. In Soviet Russia, the police call YOU!" - Anonymous

In Soviet Russia the future is known. It's the past that's ever-changing.

"In Soviet Russia, company owns you!" - Simpele

"In Soviet Russia, Global Cooling!" -Brandon Raygada

"In America, You Got Mail. In Soviet Russia, Mail Gets You!" - iceman75

"In Soviet Russia, Terms of Service violate you!"

"In Soviet Russia, Car drive YOU!"

"In Soviet Russia, Horse ride YOU Bare back!"

"In America, you make run in baseball. In Soviet Russia, you make run, you get shot!" -Kidd

"In Soviet Russia, the operating system boots you!!" - Samuel A. Falvo II

"in America the president gets assasinated. in soviet Russia president assassinates you!"

"In America you catch Pokemon. In Soviet Russia, Pokemon catch you!" -Pikachu

"In Soviet Russia, cow milk YOU!" -Victoria

"in soviet Russia, Grenade throws you!" - JD

"In America, you break the law. In Soviet Russia,the law breaks YOU!" -Kiwimeetskiwi

"In America, you hate government; in Soviet Union, government hate YOU!" - Anand_droog

"In America, you laugh at a joke on Bush. In U.S.S.R, Stalin laugh at joke on YOU!" - Anand_droog

"In America, you walk your life over to death. In U.S.S.R, death walk over your life to YOU!" - Anand_droog

"In America, you drive your car over the states. In Soviet Union, state car drive over YOU!" - Anand_droog

"In America, you commit suicide. In Soviet Union, suicide commit YOU!" - Anand_droog

"In America, you wear the uniform. In Soviet Russia, uniform wear YOU!" - Anand_

"In America, you talk about ideologies. In Soviet Russia, ideology talk about YOU!" - Anand_Droog (Marx puts it “the proletariat.”)

"In America, you pay the prostitute. In Soviet Russia, the prostitute pay YOU!" - Anand_Droog

"In Soviet Russia Food Eat You."

"In America,fat kid chases ice cream truck.In soviet Russia,ice cream truck chases fat kid"

"In Soviet Russia, book writes report on you"

"In Soviet Russia, condom wears you"

"In Soviet Russia, bush piss on YOU!" - 00kley

"In Soviet Russia, trash compact YOU!" - 00kley

"In Soviet Russia, beans bake YOU!" -00kley

"In Capitalist America, stockholders screw YOU!" - 00kley

"In Soviet Russia, joke's on YOU!" - 00kley

"In Soviet Russia, wrist slits YOU!" - the last 00kley

"in soviet Russia hookers pay you!!" - Ethan ferguson
I deleted a bunch of bad jokes that contributed nothing to the article except exemplify "In Russia jokes" that aren't funny and fail to fit the definition of an "In Russia" joke.

This page is a classic on Wiki, so quit deleting large portions of it, PLEASE! There is nothing wrong with a little lite-humor, just like the Polish, Jewish, Irish, Scottish (it's funny 'cause they speak like they're irish... they must be delusional), American, Japanese, etc., type of humor over the years, and yes I have Many of those genes in my blood.

This page has more than a little lite-humor even with those portions deleted, and the only "classic" feature of this page is the number of WikiPuppys who contribute nothing else that add dozens - I've even seen hundreds - of 'InSovietRussia' jokes to this page, very few of which are even remotely funny. Don't try to protect that. WikiWiki is not a repository for jokes - not Polish, Jewish, Irish, Scottish, American, Japanese, or even Programming related jokes, though the latter are most appropriate here.

If it were long-time contributors adding to the page, or commenting on specific jokes, perhaps I'd be saying something different. I'm going to be a lot more lenient for them. If there are any specific jokes you wish to keep from that mess, add them selectively.

There are so many things wrong with your response, but I'm not even going to bother. Accept I will tell you this: I feel sorry for you because it is obviously a personal thing for you, and it is clear that it is you who has no idea of what this Wiki is truly about.

[Last time I checked, this Wiki was truly about PeopleProjectsAndPatterns in SoftwareDevelopment, and to a lesser degree, SoftwareDeveloper culture and shared interests. Other than having been a notable Internet meme a few years ago, I don't see how a local gaggle of InSovietRussia jokes contributes to those topics. Do you have a different perception of what this Wiki is truly about?]

(In Soviet Russia, Wiki perceives you differently!)

Yes, you do know what I know about what is the purpose of this Wiki, as we have discussed it many times, so I too know your limited and single-minded point of view. However, I will remind you. Yes, I also know that some of you have tried and tried to kill this Wiki, and you just refuse to believe that a free living community could be the good thing that it is.

What about FrontPage gives you the impression that WikiWiki is free to be used "as it amuses and suits" the users? First line: "This site is a ContentCreationWiki whose focus is PeopleProjectsAndPatterns in SoftwareDevelopment." Below that: OnTopic, OffTopic, WikiIsNotWikipedia. WelcomeVisitors repeats the points on PeopleProjectsAndPatterns in SoftwareDevelopment and mentions InformalHistoryOfProgrammingIdeas, then veritably shouts WikiIsNotWikipedia! We also have pages like WikiIsNotaDictionary. Your own reference to FrontPage and WelcomeVisitors does a great deal to refute your assertions. Objectively, the links are against you. You must be blissfully experiencing a great deal of confirmation bias to have read those pages any other way.

In either case, even supposing you weren't refuted by the pages you referenced, then I, as a member of the "free living community", would still be "free" to delete InSovietRussia jokes as part of what I consider 'attempting at a focus', or perhaps even if it merely "amuses me and suits me". So, based on your assertions above, you still aren't in a position to complain, unless you feel comfortable with the hypocrisy involved in doing so.

In soviet russia, hypocrisy feels comfortable with YOU!

You missed the part about "Primary Focus" meaning "at least 51%" which leaves a max. balance of "49%". You also totally misunderstand the reference to "free, and open", as my meanings are: "not controlled by a dictatorship, and no user account required". You also missed the point of "community", as this is people doing what people and communities do, and yes that includes jokes and other so-called off-topic things to lighten the load of life. And, what about that part "we really don't know what it is"? Ah yes, I thought so... talk about being biased... I also never once said "me", and continually referenced "community", as obviously others have an interest in "InSovietRussia" or this page would not even be here nor would there be this discussion. And, for your information, I have not contributed to this page accept for this discussion, but I do look forward to the latest silly, stupid, or maybe even funny thing that has been added to it. Obviously, others do too, so it is "as a community does and wants".

WikiWiki has never been the ideal place to wait for jokes of any sort - I don't see a community eagerly adding jokes to 'lighten your load' - so to say it's what the community wants seems to be in error. I am hardly the only member of the community who has become upset at people trying to treat InSovietRussia as a dumping ground for bad jokes. Indeed, there were four appeals to delete jokes, not written by me. To say you know what the community wants, to use that 'RoyalWe' as you've been doing, suggests you don't consider yourself to be a dictator... you consider yourself to be a monarch. Well, unless your name is WardCunningham, from that throne step away you. Anyhow, I've not deleted the page, merely maintained it in a condition that leaves no impression that it is the Internet's repository or dumping ground for InSovietRussia jokes, as several 'non-community' members have over time attempted to treat it. It's still around to 'lighten your load'. If old jokes don't do it for you, and you need a fresh reduction of load on a regular basis, consider going someplace where achieving that is a focus. I like XkCd. Some here like SluggyFreelance, dilbert.com, and YouTube. WikiWiki does not pretend to exist in a vacuum, and so does not actively cater to every need of a live community.

You sure seem to be acting like a dictator to me. Of course, one of the problems here could be language and cultural barriers, maybe explanations are sometimes needed. Many of the things that have been deleted, have finer details that would be lost on someone of a non-American English speaking background. Reminds me of the classic pages that poop-heads on this Wiki had a hissy-fit about after the pages were well established: KurtCobainJokes?, BoogerClub?, FightClub, and others that I can't think of at the moment. But, most importantly, what is ignored is that after each one of these Gestapo episodes of deletion, there is loss of good Wiki users that usually do not come back, because of their disgust. No matter the country, slipping on banana peels and farting are still funny, and so are a lot of other stupid things, and seeing them written with a new twist is a nice surprise. Also, some things written about soviet Russia ring of truths that stand as reminders of what can and should be done in the future to make sure that eventually all peoples of the world can know freedom.

in soviet Russia women are leaders in soviet Russia you are straight, cool and funny in soviet Russia kittens give birth to bear cubs
Some people miss the fact that part of the joke is to leave off definite and indefinite articles (a, an, the) and to not decline the verb (i.e. not "car drives you" but "car drive you!"), mimicking speech patterns of a native Russian speaker speaking English. Twalls
In Soviet Russia the dependency inversion framework calls you!
In Soviet Russia, don't worry, you will get call back! -- SteveWitham
In America, you drive economy. In Soviet Russia, economy drive you! CategoryJoke
In Soviet Russia Lisp still has no syntax!
In America, you write R. In Soviet Russia, you write Я.

In America you cut onions, you cry. In Soviet Russia, onions cry when they cut you.

In Soviet Russia, Mordor does not simply walk into YOU!

In Soviet Russia, Egg lays you!

in America, you break law. in Soviet Russia, law break you!--KD

In America, you pump fist. in Soviet Russia, fist pump you!--KD

Roses are red, Violets are blue in Soviet Russia poem write you!-KD

--- In Soviet Russia, band comes to YOU http://mynameisjerm.com/in-the-soviet-union-the-band-comes-to-you/

In America,your job determines your marks. In Soviet Russia,Marx determine your job!~ AK47 Kid 6325 or Rucka's Nucka #55676

In Soviet Russia, the man has the baby!

In America, Skrillex drop bass. In Soviet Russia, bass drop you ! /Anev' In America, you go to police. In Soviet Russia, police go to you ! /Anev' In America, you watch 1984. In Soviet Russia, Big Brother is watching you ! /Anev' In America, you don't stop the party. In Soviet Russia, the Party stop you ! /Anev' In America, you chase the bees. In Soviet Russia, the bees chase you ! /Anev'

IN SOVIET RUSSIA, SHIT TAKES YOU!

In America, government screw you. In Soviet Russia, You screw government!

In Soviet Russia, crab catches you! (from borderlands)

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